Giving Thanks … For Everything

It’s the season to ask ourselves what we are thankful for, isn’t it? Many of us count the blessings in our lives – good health, a secure job, kids and grandkids doing OK. We’re used to giving thanks for the things that go well in our lives. I met some people recently whose stories challenge me to be grateful for ALL of life, the joys and the challenges. They even inspire me to try and find joy IN the challenges.

At a recent training day for a new group of Spiritual Care Volunteers, I invited a panel of parents whose children have been cared for at Primary Children’s. Several of these individuals serve on our Family Advisory Council, providing a much needed patient and family perspective on many of our programs and initiatives. I knew they would have valuable lessons to pass on to my volunteers, but by the end of the hour they spent with us, I was amazed at what they said.

Life Lessons from Caregivers

One mom has a son whose list of genetic anomalies is so long that she claims with tears in her eyes: “There’s no one else like him in the world.” His condition constantly stumps the leading medical experts, which can sometimes prove immensely challenging for his parents. “One day, I was just so frustrated that I ran out of the room angry at God and yelled at him ‘Why are you doing this to us?’ Then I heard a voice as clear as can be say to me, ‘This is not about you. It’s about his journey with me.’ And I’ve never been angry or resentful since.”

Another set of parents described how their son was born more than 20 years ago with a severe medical condition. He was never able to talk, walk or take care of himself in any way, so he required round-the-clock care and supervision. He had died just a few months ago, but instead of feeling relief that their caregiving tasks were over, they were at a loss for what to do now. “We have other children and 6 grandchildren, but the hole in our lives is immense and we don’t know how to fill it,” the husband said. Then his wife shared a treasure of advice. “Every moment you have with these children is exquisite, even the messiest and most boring of tasks. You don’t know how exquisite until they are gone,” she told us, her eyes bright with tears.

Gratitude is Hard Work

One of my favorite authors, Henri Nouwen writes this about the spiritual work of gratitude:

To be grateful for the good things that happen in our lives is easy, but to be grateful for all of our lives – the good as well as the bad, the moments of joy as well as the moments of sorrow, the successes as well as the failures, the rewards as well as the rejections – that requires hard spiritual work. Still, we are only truly grateful people when we can say thank you to all that has brought us to the present moment. As long as we keep dividing our lives between events and people we would like to remember and those we would rather forget, we cannot claim the fullness of our beings as a gift of God to be grateful for. Let’s not be afraid to look at everything that has brought us to where we are now and trust that we will soon see in it the guiding hand of a loving God.

My Spiritual Care Volunteers and I learned that lesson from the words of those amazing parents. For them and for the example of all who provide love and care for children in such difficult circumstances, let us truly give thanks.

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